The Therapist Consultation Room: Empathic Failure, Adult Attachment Styles and Toxic Shame
Three of the four in our group had attended Daniel Siegel’s “Mindsight” Workshop on Friday and were brimming with enthusiasm
around some of the things we heard. This session we spent a good deal of time processing some of our own personal dilemmas and struggles but we did touch on a few neuroscience nuggets of information I’d like to share here, based on the book we’re reading together, Being a Brainwise Therapist by Bonnie Badenoch:
- Acting out by out clients in session often can be viewed as an empathic failure – the key is to address this immediately by saying something like, “I noticed a shift…” or “I need to interrupt myself here…” Then explore what just went on internally and attempt to make a repair right then and there.
- Ensure the experience in session is fully taken into the brain (meta-processed) by reviewing “what just happened here today.”
- The longing for connection appears to be embedded in the neural cells around the heart. This might explain the experience of a heartache.
- Disorganized attachment happens in moments or patches for most people – when much of the other time they are in another attachment framework – and can even happen to a securely attached person periodically.
Linda Graham told us of an article she wrote that was recently published in the Wise Brain Bulletin at Wisebrain.org – called The Power of Empathy to Heal Toxic Shame which includes a “protocal to dissolve a swamp of shame” which includes re-sourcing, regulating, self-empathy, reflection and re-pairing. Check it out.
If any therapists who do know something about this subject would like to share their information “nuggets,” all the better! Insights and links to additional resources are all welcome on the comment form below.
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See the previous sessions:
The Therapist Consultation Room: Caring and Empathy in Relationships Rewires the Brain
The Therapist Consultation Room: Attachment and Neuroscience
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist and creator of Notes from a Therapist’s Chair: The Therapy and Counseling Blog; a feature of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com. To stay updated on the most recent therapy / therapist related posts subscribe to Notes from a Therapist’s Chair Blog RSS Feed.
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I am enjoying reading your blog. Glad to see you are getting into mindsight and attachment. To me it is like exploring the “final frontier.” Thanks.
Ce Eshelman, I agree – I feel like mindsight and attachment is the “final frontier.” There is so much to digest but I am completely thrilled about the possiblities for us – and our clients.
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com
Notes from a Therapist’s Chair Blog
Hi there,
If you’re interested in this work (a passion of mind), I’d highly recommend the work of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute (http://www.jbmti.org). Amy Banks, MD does wonderful work on the impact of trauma on neurobiology, and the working papers and published books of the group have been the foundation of my clinical practice. Regarding additional neuroscience, Louis Cozzolino has written a fantastic book on the neuroscience of psychotherapy that I highly recommend.
Best,
Christina
Thanks Christina – I’ll look into both of your suggestions. I think our neuroscience / attachment peer group has talked about the possiblity of reading Louis Cozzolino at some point. But – I think Mindsight might come next (Dan Siegel, MD) seeing as all of attended his recent workshop and got really enthusiastic about it afterwards. So much great stuff!
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT