Comments on: Help! My Best Friend is Dating a Loser by Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW http://lisakifttherapy.com/relationships/the-healthy-relationships-place-a-relationship-blog/help-my-best-friend-is-dating-a-loser-by-jennifer-gauvain-msw-lcsw/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=help-my-best-friend-is-dating-a-loser-by-jennifer-gauvain-msw-lcsw Tools for Marriage, Relationship and Emotional Health. Articles, tips, advice. Thu, 26 Jan 2012 20:34:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Shannan Hearne http://lisakifttherapy.com/relationships/the-healthy-relationships-place-a-relationship-blog/help-my-best-friend-is-dating-a-loser-by-jennifer-gauvain-msw-lcsw/comment-page-1/#comment-2793 Shannan Hearne Fri, 30 Apr 2010 17:12:56 +0000 http://lisakifttherapy.com/?p=1954#comment-2793 I dated a loser for 7 years. The relationship culminated with him starting an affair with a married bi-sexual woman. My friends weren't crazy about him, I sure wish someone had spoken up. http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com I dated a loser for 7 years. The relationship culminated with him starting an affair with a married bi-sexual woman. My friends weren’t crazy about him, I sure wish someone had spoken up.

http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com

]]> By: Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT http://lisakifttherapy.com/relationships/the-healthy-relationships-place-a-relationship-blog/help-my-best-friend-is-dating-a-loser-by-jennifer-gauvain-msw-lcsw/comment-page-1/#comment-2331 Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:21:09 +0000 http://lisakifttherapy.com/?p=1954#comment-2331 Cups@83 - Thank you for sharing your story about the difficult decision you faced around calling off your wedding. You deserve a loving, supportive marriage - certainly absent of verbal and emotional abuse! I'm happy to hear you have a good support system around you as well. Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com <a href="http://lisakifttherapy.com" rel="nofollow"><a href="null" rel="nofollow">Tools for Marriage, Relationship and Emotional Health</a></a> Cups@83 – Thank you for sharing your story about the difficult decision you faced around calling off your wedding. You deserve a loving, supportive marriage – certainly absent of verbal and emotional abuse! I’m happy to hear you have a good support system around you as well.

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com
Tools for Marriage, Relationship and Emotional Health

]]> By: cusp@83 http://lisakifttherapy.com/relationships/the-healthy-relationships-place-a-relationship-blog/help-my-best-friend-is-dating-a-loser-by-jennifer-gauvain-msw-lcsw/comment-page-1/#comment-2330 cusp@83 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 09:46:32 +0000 http://lisakifttherapy.com/?p=1954#comment-2330 I called off my wedding a few months before D-Day. From the very beginning i knew my boyfriend was not the right one for me. I would complain about him day-in and day-out. My parents & siblings saw the red flags and gave me subtle hints that he wasn't the right person, that i should wait for sometime before i took the plunge, but i was adamant. Even my closest confidante felt that we were not meant to be and the marriage would probably end in a divorce but never said a word (he confessed it after i broke up!!!!). I gave the same reasons of "time invested" & the "can get a divorce later on" story & went on with the planning. However one day i was just saying these things to a friend of mine and she was the one who told me not to take the plunge. I had a very nasty fight with her and said i would do it. She just said that if i wanted to destroy my life i could do it but i shouldn't be tagging her along with me and we can forget that we were ever friends. She's one of my closest friends and i didn't want to lose her. At that very point in time i was also having a tough time with my fiance. However, when he got to know i was in two minds, instead of being there for me, he started screaming at me, using foul language and abusing my family & me in the filthiest of terms. I cried a lot that day and it took me very little time to make up my mind that i didn't want to go down the aisle. I realised how this was a common cycle. How verbally abused i was. How my fiance would always scream at me, not listen to me and then try and make up by saying sorry, also how i would always be blamed for the rage. I realised that after the wedding date & everything got decided on, he became all the more dominating & wanted me to do things his way & would threaten me to call off the wedding so that he could have his way. I was really tired of his attitude. He felt i was his property & one day he even said so in as many words!!! that was when i realised that we were going downhill & yet I turned a blind eye to it. After the break-up, I had been miserable. I was very confused after the entire incident and i still doubt if i did the right thing, but when i read some paragraphs from "How to Marry the Wrong Guy: A Guide for Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life", i realised that i didn't make a mistake. I have been doing some extensive reading on emotional & verbal abuse too and i have realised how much i have put up with it and how it had affected every aspect of my life. How it had taken a toll on my relationship with my family & other close friends. Thank you very much for the write-ups. They have helped me to get a clear view of everything that has happened & i am glad to know that my family & friends are there for me & have supported me when i finally called off the wedding. I called off my wedding a few months before D-Day. From the very beginning i knew my boyfriend was not the right one for me. I would complain about him day-in and day-out. My parents & siblings saw the red flags and gave me subtle hints that he wasn’t the right person, that i should wait for sometime before i took the plunge, but i was adamant. Even my closest confidante felt that we were not meant to be and the marriage would probably end in a divorce but never said a word (he confessed it after i broke up!!!!). I gave the same reasons of “time invested” & the “can get a divorce later on” story & went on with the planning. However one day i was just saying these things to a friend of mine and she was the one who told me not to take the plunge. I had a very nasty fight with her and said i would do it. She just said that if i wanted to destroy my life i could do it but i shouldn’t be tagging her along with me and we can forget that we were ever friends. She’s one of my closest friends and i didn’t want to lose her. At that very point in time i was also having a tough time with my fiance. However, when he got to know i was in two minds, instead of being there for me, he started screaming at me, using foul language and abusing my family & me in the filthiest of terms. I cried a lot that day and it took me very little time to make up my mind that i didn’t want to go down the aisle. I realised how this was a common cycle. How verbally abused i was. How my fiance would always scream at me, not listen to me and then try and make up by saying sorry, also how i would always be blamed for the rage. I realised that after the wedding date & everything got decided on, he became all the more dominating & wanted me to do things his way & would threaten me to call off the wedding so that he could have his way. I was really tired of his attitude. He felt i was his property & one day he even said so in as many words!!! that was when i realised that we were going downhill & yet I turned a blind eye to it.

After the break-up, I had been miserable. I was very confused after the entire incident and i still doubt if i did the right thing, but when i read some paragraphs from “How to Marry the Wrong Guy: A Guide for Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life”, i realised that i didn’t make a mistake. I have been doing some extensive reading on emotional & verbal abuse too and i have realised how much i have put up with it and how it had affected every aspect of my life. How it had taken a toll on my relationship with my family & other close friends.

Thank you very much for the write-ups. They have helped me to get a clear view of everything that has happened & i am glad to know that my family & friends are there for me & have supported me when i finally called off the wedding.

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