How to Stop Being a “Fixer”
Are you constantly trying to “fix” people or your relationships? Do you over-commit to solving other people’s problems at your own cost? This issue is fairly common in my therapy practice – and there are some things you can start thinking about around to how to stop the behavior.
Here are 4 things to think about if you’re a “fixer” – and how to stop:
1) Others are responsible for their own lives and behavior. Don’t take ownership of their “stuff.”
2) In most relationship problems both parties have a role in perpetuating the dynamic. Don’t take ownership for all of it. It can’t be all up to you.
3) By “fixing,” you might actually be enabling their need for dependence on you – which can lead to resentment. Don’t set yourself up to be relied upon too heavily. Set boundaries and learn to say “no.”
4) Your need to “fix” might have roots earlier in your life. Did this behavior serve you at some time? If you family of origin experience is involved, seek therapy to help unravel and shift your core beliefs about what you “should” be doing.
5) Your need to “fix” might be wrapped up in your self-esteem. Do you get external validation from helping to solve other’s problems? This is another area that psychotherapy might help.
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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is a therapist, writer and creator of The Toolbox, providing tools for emotional and relationship health. See more of Lisa’s relationship tips and tools.
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