How to Manage Negative Emotions in Your Relationship
Did you know that mindfulness can be a powerful tool in your relationships – intimate or otherwise?
Consider for a moment the last time you were significantly emotionally triggered by someone. You may have been really angry, frustrated, sad or any number of other distressing and uncomfortable states. If the emotions took you over in a way that ultimately did not serve you well and was even damaging (to yourself or someone else) then consider the following steps the next time you run into negative emotions in a relationship:
- STOP - Notice your negative emotion as soon as you can.
- BREATHE - Slow, steady breathing can decrease your physiological reaction (fight-or-flight).
- REFLECT - Are old issues of yours coming up? Do you have evidence to support the assumptions you are making about the meaning of a particular interaction? Is there an intention to hurt or disrespect you?
- CHOOSE - After examining the above, what are you choices of action? Can there be a shift in your old reactions to new, more helpful ones?
There has been a huge amount of research lately on the power of mindfulness to rewire the brain to improve emotional and relationship health. If you’re interested in learning more, I suggest you check out the work of Dr. Daniel Siegel, who is one of the few on the leading edge of this exciting work. Another excellent resource is a column for PsychologyToday.com called Rewire Your Brain for Love by Dr. Marsha Lucas.
———————————–
Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist and author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples and The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples. See more relationship tips and tools by Lisa.
Want to stay connected? Here are a few ways:
- Subscribe to The Monthly Toolbox Newsletter for marriage, relationship and mental health articles from the prior month.
- Follow on Twitter
- Follow on Facebook
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
3 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
I try to remind myself that I chose to be with my partner and that I love him. I don’t want to hurt him with cranky feelings and negative comments. It may seem simple but “do unto others” really does make me think twice about what I say.
Lisa – it’s so easy to get carried away by our feelings but often times our feelings may be based on inacurrate thinking in the first place! Taking the time to be more mindfully aware and present can do nothing but improve emotional and relationship health. It’s a win-win.
Communication is so essential in a marriage. If we don’t deal with negative emotions in a productive way, together, it’s hard to be a couple!