The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Conflict is a part of life – and often time relationships.

The question is how you manage conflict with your partner - and whether you’re successful at finding peaceful resolutions – or you do more damage.  Resentment is toxic to relationships and unhealthy conflict resolution skills can create a mountain of it.

Here are 5 signs you don’t fight fair:

• You name call or make character attacks (ie. “You’re an idiot.”)

• You use global statements such as “always” or “never” (ie. “You never listen to me!”)

• You go off topic to a long list of prior examples of the current issue

• You use family traits as a weapon (ie. “You’re just like your mother!”)

• You storm out of the house (sometimes leaving the situation all together is a good idea but using a structured “time-out” is a better choice to avoid the other feeling abandoned)

In a healthy relationship, there will be certainly times when you don’t agree – or don’t get along well.  Awareness of the things to avoid is the first step in decreasing damaging behaviors in your relationship.  It takes practice and often a lot of practice to re-learn more productive couples communication tools.  Improvements can be made with the desire for change from both parties. 

If you’re struggling with making the improvements in your communication that you would like, find a local couples therapist to help you sort if out.

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See more relationship tips and tools by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT.  Subscribe to The Toolbox Relationship Tips and Tools RSS Feed to be notified of the most current content – or sign up for The Toolbox Monthly Newsletter for a monthly review of the new mental health and relationship articles tips, tools and advice by Lisa and other therapy professionals in The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.

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