The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

So your marriage is feeling “blah?”

Rest assured, it’s perfectly normal for marriages to feel deflated and need some extra attention every now and then.  After all, we have family, social obligations, work responsibilities, dry cleaning to pick up…you get the picture.  The good news is, all is not necessarily lost.  You and your spouse may just need to focus some attention on the marriage a bit to get things rolling again.

Here are 3 tips to rev up your marriage:

Rediscover the Friendship:  Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other as people. They enjoy hanging out together.  Focus on bringing laughter back into the relationship.  Make up silly nicknames for each other.  Take a walk down memory lane and remember why you got together in the first place.

Check in With Each Other:  It can be very easy to become passing ships in the night with the chaos that is “life” for many of us married folks.  Whether it be at the coffee pot in the morning or a scheduled walk in the park together, make the time to get an emotional read on the other.  “How are you doing?  How are you feeling today?  How are we doing?  Anything we need to talk about?”  Communicating regularly will help decrease any gaps that might have grown between the two of you.

Prioritize Intimacy: Couples who have their sexual needs met or at least have negotiated a reasonable compromise if their levels of need aren’t compatible, feel taken care of by the other.  Step outside the box – you might like it!  Go on regular date nights, get a sitter and stay in a hotel one night.  Leave each other love notes, flirt a little!

I repeat – if your marriage has gotten a little “ho-hum,” you are not alone!  Marriages are hard work!  Relationships ebb and flow over time and we all change too!  It’s called being human.  If you feel your marriage needs a little more help than a few tips can provide, find a local therapist to help you out.

Otherwise, the next time you see your spouse, start shaking things up a little!

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist, author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.  See more of Lisa’s quick relationship tips and tools.

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