The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

It’s not just couples who can benefit from creating the most emotionally safe atmosphere between them.  In my article, Healthy Relationships:  Assessing the Emotional Safety I speak of ways to increase this sense of comfort and security between partners.  Let’s take a look at how this translates to friendship and how you can be the best friend possible.

I am truly blessed to have a group of girlfriends who I feel totally at home with.  Some go back as far as kindergarten and a few I’ve made in the last five years or so.  The friendships I cherish the most and put the most energy into are the ones where there is a mutual felt sense of being able to truly relax, be ourselves and know that neither of us would do anything to harm the other.  It just feels good.  There are some people who have this energy about them upon first meeting, you can just pick up authenticity in them.  Others behave in ways that ring an intuitive alarm that says, “Proceed with caution.” 

Friendships with emotional safety usually have a number of the following qualities firmly in place.  These friends typically:

• listen well and attempt to understand where the other is coming from – rather than dismiss, appear disinterested or shift the topic back to them.
• offer validation and empathy when appropriate – rather than behave without compassion when sensitivity is required.
• respect each other and are supportive - rather than competitive and undermining.
• trust each other and feel safe – rather than be unsure of whether the other is there only when it suits them.
• feel loved by each other. 

Human beings are relational.  We are born seeking secure attachment with our primary caregivers and we continue to seek emotional safety through out our lives, with our partners and friends.  There’s nothing quite like being wrapped in a fuzzy, warm blanket on a cold, winter’s day.  This is a little of what emotionally safe friendships feel like to me.  Just like intimate relationships require effort to maintain, the same goes for friendships.  You get what you give.   

———————————

Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist, writer and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, with tools for emotional and relationship health.  She has a Marin therapy and counseling practice just north of San Francisco, CA.

Want to stay connected to Lisa and The Toolbox?  Here are a few ways:

• Subscribe to The Monthly Toolbox Newsletter for marriage, relationship, emotional and mental health articles, tips and tools from the prior month.
• Like The Toolbox on Facebook
• Follow Lisa on Twitter
• Connect on LinkedIn

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.