The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

I’ve been dating this Iranian woman for 2 years going on 3 and weve been doing great until recently.. For the time we’ve been together her parents didnt know anything about us being together until about 6 months ago when she decided she want to tell them so she did and it didnt end well they told her that they wouldnt allow her to see me anymore.. We still did anyway ok so now about a month ago he parents found out again and it was the samething all over again and this time she left home for a litte while and went and stayed with her sister for a little while.. but now she is back home with her family and we are trying to find out a way for her to get her parents to aceept me with open arms… Please Help

LISA’S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

It sounds like there’s a reason your girlfriend didn’t tell her parents about you – and now that they know, they don’t approve.  I’m not sure if there is a cultural, religious or other reason but the bottom line is they’ve told her that you do not fit their idea of the kind of man she should be with.  How hard for you!  You’ve been dating her for almost 3 years!

Unfortunately, this may be less about what you can do to get them to accept you and more about your girlfriend setting boundaries with her family.  This may not be something she is comfortable doing but if not, she’s basically got to accept the fact that her parents having the ultimate say in who she’s with.  Being American myself, I can’t really relate to my parents having that much control over the direction of my life but I understand that this is not so uncommon in other cultures.  I have received similar relationship advice questions before so I know it’s an issue for people, particularly for those who may have been born in the U.S. with parents who were not.

Bottom line:  Her parents may never accept you with open arms.  If they do, I suspect this isn’t really in your control but more about her verbalizing her desires to them.  Tough situation – especially because you’re likely dealing with firmly held beliefs in her family about how things are supposed to be in regards to who she marries, etc.  She’s likely afraid they will disown or reject her if she goes against them.

Your girlfriend may need to decide if she can tolerate “their way” or whether she wants to do something different.  If she does – there may be consequences for her.

————————————

Lisa Brookes Kift is a relationship therapist, author and creator of Ask the Therapist – A Relationship Advice Blog, a feature of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com: A Resource for Emotional and Relationship Health.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.