The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

I need some advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4-5 months and everything is going well. We have said that we love each other. I enjoy all of her friends. However, one of her friends mentioned to me that she previously sexually experimented with another girl whom she is still best friends with, about 1-2 years ago. I think that this happened 3-4 times. I know that this can be common with girls, and really isn’t a big deal to me, but the problem is that she is still best friends with this girl. This other girl comes over often, and in front of me, they are snuggling together or have their arms around each other. They also have slumber parties, including other girls. Once again, this is very common among girls and certainly quite innocent. It never bothered me, I thought it was normal stuff. However, now that I know their history, it makes me very uncomfortable when I am around them. It certainly would not be appropriate for her to have her arms around and snuggle with an ex-boyfriend. This to me seems to be about the same. I am not supposed to know about what happened between these two girlfriends, she thinks nobody knows. But I can’t take it anymore, and this other girl is around a lot. How do I approach this with my girlfriend? I don’t want her to lose her best friend, but at the same time I feel a bit like it is “cheating” when they are together. Need help!

LISA’S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

You’re right, experimentation like this is not uncommon.  However, I can understand why you might have questions considering their affectionate behavior around each other.  This is a sticky situation though as you aren’t even supposed to know about the incidents.  I’d wonder 1) how well you can trust the source of that information and 2) if they’d be willing to admit to their friend (your girlfriend) that they told you so that it can be out in the open for discussion.

I also wonder why this friend told you this in the first place – what might have motivated them to do that…people do strange things for strange reasons.

Ultimately your choice is to not say anything and stay uncomfortable, say something and betray the other friend (who really betrayed your girlfriend in the first place) or try to get a clearance from the third party.

————————————

Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist and creator of Ask the Therapist – The Marriage and Relationship Advice Blog; a feature of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.