The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Please pray tell me, whenever my partner and I have an argument my partner consistently and without fail informs his Mother, Father and Sister, which in turn leaves it to them to become the Judge,Jury & persecutor of what should happen next? This confuses me immensely.

LISA’S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

It sounds like your partner is pretty enmeshed with his family.  I can understand why you’d be incredibly frustrated by him sharing your personal relationship business with them in such depth!  I can also understand wanting to get feedback from those who care about him but the problem with his behavior is that he’s not only betraying you but then they get involved and you have to face their wrath.  Not very fair.

If this is not working for you, tell him you don’t want him involving his family anymore.  Explain that you would like the opportunity to work out your private relationship matters between the two of you.  You are both adults and you have a right to keep some things private.  He may not understand this yet, however.

Tell him how it makes you feel to have your business shared in this way – and then his family to come down on you!  I suspect his family all operate like this together and have been doing so for many years.  He probably would benefit from setting better boundaries with them.  He has a right to his own life and one with his partner – without their over-involvement!

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a relationship therapist, author and creator of Ask the Therapist – A Relationship Advice Blog, a feature of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com: A Resource for Emotional and Relationship Health.