The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

I have been dating a man for three years.  When we first met we hit it off right away.  We saw each other every day and I felt like he truly loved me a lot.  I really felt like I was in a fairytale-he was so fantastic.  About a year into our relationship he proposed, but I was not ready because I had been married once before very young.  He told me that he would wait until I was ready to make the commitment because he loved me.  I felt like things were going well until he met another woman. 

He never told me about her so I just had to find out by random things that have happened.  He has started a business and this woman has helped him with the website, designing of the advertisements, and is the person who answers when you call the business number.  He spends a lot of time with her, and I began to feel a change in his attitude toward me.  This ultimately led us to a break.  After living together for two years he moved his things out.  He says that he is not happy as a person and he wants time alone to think about things.  He says if we decide to get back together he wants to get married. I would be very excited to marry a man like him, but I cannot help but think about the other woman he may be seeing and just wants space to explore what will happen with her. 

He says nothing is happening, but I have come across things that make me think he is lying about it.  Once I drove to his house to talk to him about an hour after a really devestating talk I’d had with him, and the girl’s car was there with all the lights off in the house.  His bedroom is in the basement so that could be the only place they could have been with the lights on- if they were on.  If I ask he just gets angry and tells me that there is nothing going on with this woman.  Should I believe him and give him his space and consider marriage, or is this too shady to forgive?  We still see eachother occasionally even though we are on a break and I feel myself getting angry at him for not being honest even though I don’t know for certain what is going on. I can’t be who I used to be when I was with him because I feel like he’s let me down and I’m not sure he’s trustworthy. 

Should I just try and move on or can we work this out?  How do I stop feeling so angry?

Lisa’s Relationship Advice:

Trust your instincts.  If you feel in your gut that he is seeing this woman than he probably is.  Besides, it seems like you have possible evidence to support this.  Breakups can be very painful – it can be like grieving the loss of a loved one.  If you decide it’s really time to move on, take care of yourself.  Being single can give you a lot of opportunity for personal growth.

I understand that you want to get married to a wonderful man.  If it’s not him, there are plenty of other good guys out there.  You deserve to get what you give in a relationship.  Be sure to take care of yourself!  Allow yourself to have the feelings you do.  It’s normal to feel very angry and sad when you lose a dream.  But be sure to create another!

——————————————

Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples counselor, writer and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com where she offers relationship advice for educational purposes.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.