Marriage Advice: My wife is not being honest
How can I respond to my wife’s 1) Lying about going out with co-workers behind my back? 2) She just did’nt think it was important to tell me what she was doing. How hard do I push for the truth, without damaging our
tenious relationship further.
Lisa’s Marriage Advice:
Clearly the communication with you and your wife is not as open as might be beneficial for your marriage. Without enough information it’s hard to know what’s blocking this for your two. What is clear is that there is an emotional safety problem but it’s unclear where the source is. For example, is she not being honest because she’s hiding something? Is she not being honest because she’s afraid of your reaction when there’s really no reason for insecurity on your part?
You hinted that your marriage is struggling, regardless of the issue of her going out with co-workers. I wonder more about what all that’s about. It appears as there might be a snow ball effect occurring where there is lack of emotional safety and possibly resentment building. The less you communicate about these underlying issues the worse the situation will become.
If you aren’t able to have productive conversations together I suggest you seek a marriage counselor in your area to see if you can get to the bottom of what’s really going on – with the goal of closing the gap between you and increasing the safety between you.
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist and author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples and The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples.
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