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I’m very concerned about my girlfriend shes been on anti-depressants for nearly 2 years, she said shes been suffering from depression ever since her teens, she tried everything including, psychotherapy but not alternative treatments such as acupuncture or chinese medicine and now she thinks the anti depressants is the answer to her problems. She is perfectly happy just taking the anti depressants for the rest of her life, shes not also taking anti depressants she also been depending on sleeping tablets for about 2 years, again she claims to have insomnia most of her life and the one thing I’m very surprised about is her doctor is perfectly happy just giving her pills in a very irresponsible manner, correct me if I’m wrong isn’t sleeping tablets used for short term use? She also suffers from chronic fatigue syndrom and about three or four times a month she finds it difficult to wake up which results her being a couple of hours late for work and her manager spoke to her about this and my concern she might loose her job over this. She also phobic about boats, answering the phone to somebody she doesn’t know and especially childbirth because shes scared she might get postmortal depression and she is at an age where she wants children but adopting a child seems more appealing to her and this gives me the impression she wants children but she wants to skip the childbirth part?

I can understand her problem because Ive had insomnia and depression to the point where I just wanted to end my life and I went through a psychiatrist for anti-depressants and a psychologist and its done me no good what so ever and I discovered complimenary treatments which benefited me so much and my life had improved so much to the point where I’m determined to achieve anything. I keep sharing my experience with her and she just thinks I’m a fool Ive been mislead to believe that and if there is any programs on TV or an article about taking responsibility for your health IE complemetry treatments she just completely blanks it and labels it as rubbish. Recently shes been telling me how people used to envy her legs and body and its not the same anymore, how am I supposed to tell her that anti-depressants are a contributing factor to weight gain? Don’t get me wrong I think medication is very good for dealing with the symptoms and helps get your strength back but its not the complete picture, and I’m worried her problems will have an impact on our relationship, how do a persuade her to educate herself about limitations of medication and taking responsibility for her health, it seems she justs looking for a quick fix for her problem, its weighing her down, shes got so much potential and she don’t seem to realise what she is doing to herself.

LISA’S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

It can be really difficult to watch somebody you have a relationship with struggle in the way that it sounds like your girlfriend is.  Additionally, the types of problems you’re describing (depression, insomnia, anxiety) absolutely will impact the dynamic in your relationship.  When one suffers such as this – the other does to.  After all, you experience her mood changes as well!

Before I go further, I want to be clear that I’m not a doctor and can’t really speak to medication issues other than to say – studies have shown that the combination of medication (if it’s the correct medication, dose, etc) and psychotherapy is superior to medication alone.  You’re right in that it usually isn’t the “end all be all.”   Relief in symptoms is only the first step – there’s usually an underlying emotional/psychological reason for the symptoms in the first place – unless there’s another medical situation occurring (which should always be ruled out).  I would wonder 1) how long she tried psychotherapy and 2) if she and her therapist were a good fit.  I know people benefit from alternative treatments as well but I can’t really speak on those either as I am not a professional in any of those fields.

The bottom line for you is that you are worried and want to see her get better.  I understand that.  It sounds like you are being as supportive as you can by offering suggestions and sharing your personal experiences – which she may or may not be open to.  Ideally she takes responsibility for her own health.  Keep doing what you’re doing and the rest is up to her.  You may also want to try talking to her from the perspective of the impact on the relationship – if she’s not willing to look at the impact on her own life.   If nothing changes  – you have your own choices to make but at the least you will know that you have done everything possible.  At some point, you need to take care of yourself.

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sa Brookes Kift is a couples therapist and creator of Ask the Therapist – A Marriage and Relationship Advice Blog; a feature of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.  See Lisa’s relationship articles or shorter relationship tips and tools.

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