Recovered Memories of Childhood Abuse by Jane Rowan
Why are memories of abuse so often hidden?
This is a really hard question for people in recovery from abuse, for therapists, and for researchers. In my case, I didn’t recognize one of my early childhood memories as a memory of abuse until I was in my fifties. Then physical memories started to come back to me, memories that led me to know my father had sexually abused me. How could such a big betrayal remain hidden in the back corners of a psyche for years and years? Can we really believe memories that have been hidden so long?
It’s very common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to suppress the memories. (Studies say from 30% to 60% of survivors experience loss of memories of abuse.) When the memories come back up, they are often in fragmentary form—a touch, a feeling of nausea, a smell, a fraction of a scene. This fragmentation has a physiological cause. The stress hormones released during frightening events suppress the hippocampus, a part of the brain vital for integrating memories. And of course, we don’t get social reinforcement for recalling such things—in fact, we are forbidden to speak of them and to make them real through sharing.
The book that helped me the most with the question of recovered memories was Betrayal Trauma , by Jennifer Freyd. Freyd explains that forgetting is functional for the child because it enables her to remain in contact with the family that is essential for her survival. The closer the relationship with the abuser, the more important it is to forget the abuse in order to keep that relationship working, problematic though it is. Freyd found clear scientific data showing that kids whose abuse was reported to authorities often forgot it for years. The closer the relationship to the abuser (father vs. cousin, for example), the more likely the forgetting.
Isn’t that stunning? Yet it makes total sense. I had to keep eating cornflakes every morning opposite my father and relying on him for food, learning—and yes, love. I could not allow myself to remember the abuse in the night.
Over time, I’ve come to believe the memories brought to me by my inner child more and more firmly. They are not as clear as “Kodak moments,” but they are true.
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Jane Rowan is a New England writer. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who healed through intense therapy, she is passionate about sharing her hard-won insights with others. Jane is the author of Caring for the Child Within—A Manual for Grownups and The River of Forgetting – A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse.
Are you a survivor? Learn how to submit your articles.
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist and creator of The Toolbox, with tools for marriage, relationship and emotional health. See the top emotional health articles from last year
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Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gretchen Paules and I am the Administrative Director for a newly formed nonprofit called the Let Go…Let Peace Come In Foundation. Our mission at LGLPCI is to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are actively seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post their childhood photo & caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website http://www.letgoletpeacecomein.org. By uniting survivors from around the globe we hope to provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out or have been cast aside with disbelief. Please consider posting to our website. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me directly at this e-mail address. Together we can; together we should; together we NEED to stand up and be counted.
Warmest Regards,
Gretchen Paules
Administrative Director
Let Go…Let Peace Come In Foundation
111 Presidential Blvd., Suite 212
Bala Cynwyd, PA 1900
Gretchen,
Thanks for putting the word out about your site. I checked it out and looks like a great cause. Hopefully those who have been impacted by childhood sexual abuse will find it a great resource and possibly contribute themselves.
Lisa
The Toolbox at http://www.LisaKiftTherapy.com
This post really validated my memories that began to surface in 2006…there was so much which took me four years plus just to tell what I was remembering. My therapist, although we both knew that I had all the classic symptoms of sexual abuse, I never had a memory of such. I first began seeing him in 1997 with a five year break. He purposely didn’t push, mention or pursue the issue unless I brought it up and figured that I would when I was ready. I am just now putting it on my blog. I have to look into that book. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for posting this article. I go back and forth between believing what I remembered or making it up. My therapist and I know that my trauma fills in the blanks behind my defenses. Also, he has been very careful in not discussing what may have happened util I brought it up.
Hi Clinically Clueless,
I’m glad to hear that this article on trauma and childhood abuse was helpful. It can be really healing and validating to hear the stories of others who have experienced such a thing – and I imagine your blog is providing that for others as well.
Be well,
Lisa
The Toolbox at http://LisaKiftTherapy.com
i didnt suffor sexual abuse till i was older but as a kid iwas mentaly abused and i think that is just as bad i have BPD and i blame it all on my childhood maybees i shouldnt but i do i was hurt quite a bit when i was a kid and abused in my teens and im still not over it
Hi Kevan,
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot! Living with BPD can be really tough but with awareness of it (which you have) you can take active steps to work on it!
Good luck to you,
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
The Toolbox