The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

As delightful as the holidays are for many, for others it can be incredibly challenging.  There are a number of stressors associated with the holiday period but let’s focus on a few of the most common stressful situations  – and practical ways to handle them.

 Stressful Holiday Situation #1:  Holiday Preparation 

Do you feel as though your holiday “to do” list is never ending?  If you are hosting a Thanksgiving meal there is the planning, shopping and cooking for, possibly, a lot of people.  There are holiday gifts to buy and everything around that.  It can seem like a lot.  For some people, the list of tasks overshadows the joy of the season.

Holiday Preparation Stress Buster:  How people deal with stress – and how they perceive stress – differs a lot.  An important thing to ask yourself is, “Am I creating more stress than is reasonable for the situation?”  Once you’ve taken an honest look at your relationship to stress, you can implement some of the following ideas to help decrease your stress levels:

• Make a to-do list and prioritize the items on your list.
• Take a close look at all of the items and ask yourself, “Are all of these truly necessary?  What’s the worst thing that will happen if I don’t complete the list?”
• Ask for help.  If you are the kind of person who tries to do it all – now is the time to challenge this behavior.

 Stressful Holiday Situation #2:  Family

As wonderful as bringing families together over the holidays can be, for many it requires navigating through the murky waters of “drama,” politics and expectations.  You might be concerned about shaky family relationships going “south” when mixed with excessive alcohol consumption at the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner table.  Others get emotionally triggered around childhood issues with parents that still play out as adults.

Family Stress Buster:    Face the reality that as much as we’d sometimes like to, we cannot control the behavior of others.  If you tend to excessively worry about how people will “be” with each other, challenge yourself to stop taking on other people’s “stuff.” 

• If there is an issue between two adults, let them work it out.  It’s not yours to own.
• If you are going home to visit family and are concerned about others behavior towards you – set healthy boundaries for yourself and erect your own protective emotional shield.
• Remove yourself from uncomfortable situations and take a walk if need be – or simply leave.

When it comes to managing stress, regardless of whether it’s around the holidays or the daily grind, it’s about awareness of your stress triggers, questioning your stress reaction and most importantly, self care.   It’s also important to remember that the stress response involves your physiology and if your fight or flight system is activated, it may be difficult to manage your reactivity.  Consider things you can do to take care yourself and soothe your nervous system.  Self care will look different for everyone but it might be a vigorous walk outside in the crisp Fall/Winter air,  sitting by the fire with a cup of tea or simply excusing yourself and focusing on a few deep, breaths.  A mindfulness meditation practice might also help you through. 

If you have expectations for a stressful holiday, attempt to challenge those and forge a new and positive experience this season.

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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, with tools for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  “The Toolbox” is one of the original therapist-created resource websites with articles, tips, tools and advice by Lisa and other professionals.  She is a therapist in the San Francisco / Marin County area working with individuals and couples.

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