The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Grief can come for a variety of reasons such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce, or any transitional and defining moment in life, either pleasant, painful, or both.  

A good friend of mine lost his dog.  A Yorkshire Terroir, she was stolen from him.  His heart was broken for many months.  Friends, family, and therapists advised him that he needs to “put down” and “let go” of his burden.  Nevertheless, he found himself staying up at nights thinking about his precious friend, wondering how she was doing, and who (if anybody) was taking care of her.  He resented being told by well wishers to “forget about it.”  His grief was real, it was his, and nobody could tell him how or when to stop grieving.  Then one day, as this friend was tending to his orchid garden, he realized that he needn’t “let go” of his grief, but that he can accept his grief for being what it is, a healthy and normal reaction to loss that will last as long as it needs to before moving on.  With this realization, he no longer felt the need to hold on to or let go of his grief.  He was now able to mindfully observe his grief without allowing it to bring him down or drench him with its cold rains.  He was now able to remember his Yorkshire Terroir with fond pain and soothing hurt, he was able to embrace the dichotomy and complexity of his grief.  

While therapists and other helping professionals place a strong emphasis on “letting go,” perhaps a more therapeutic approach would be accepting the validity and transient nature of our grief, and holding it, until it dissolves on its own like a passing cloud or a melting ice cube.  Often times the key to recovering from grief is accepting our pain and giving it the time and space it needs to heal.  Many people who have turned to drugs and alcohol as an outlet to help alleviate their grief related pain have found great solace in the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

Remember: acceptance is key.  

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Ben Klempner, LMSW, founder and editor of Effective Family Communication, trained as a social worker at the Barry University School of Social Work, in Miami Shores, Florida.  He has worked with a large and diverse variety of peoples.  His accomplishments include writing several books and helping individuals and families work through issues such as: Anger Management, Addiction Recovery, Marriage Counseling, Family Therapy, Career Counseling, Depression, Grief, Anxiety.

Visit his blog at: http://www.EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com and follow him on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/effectivefamily.

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.  See emotional/mental health articles by Lisa and other professionals.

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