The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Much has been said on the topic of loss and closure when it comes to working through grief.  However, not so much has been said about the feelings of betrayal that often accompany grief.  

Recently I had the opportunity of working with a young man who suffered from a form of Sexual Dysfunction/Anorexia.  He and his first wife enjoyed a full and active sex life.  However, upon remarrying after the death of his first wife, he suddenly found himself unable to function properly in that area.  We examined the matter closely and discovered that he was still deeply attached to his first wife whom he loved dearly.  Before remarrying his second wife, he still felt non-committal, and therefore still faithful, to his first wife.  However, after formalizing his commitment to his second wife through the bond of marriage, he now felt as if he had betrayed and was being unfaithful to his first wife.  Through counseling and support, he was able to accept and reconcile the pain over having lost his first wife with his current responsibilities towards his second wife and the pleasant opportunities being remarried has to offer.  

Nobody asks for grief, however when we are confronted with grief it is imperative that we set aside ample time to grieve before moving forward.  Once we are ready to move forward, our primary responsibility is toward ourselves, as well as the people currently occupying our lives.  Although feelings of betrayal, are common and natural, we must recognize them, and accept them for what they are (a natural part of the healing process).  If feelings of betrayal are preventing us from progressing and moving beyond our grief, we have a responsibility to seek out professional guidance and support aimed at helping us come to terms with our loss.

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Ben Klempner, LMSW, founder and editor of Effective Family Communication, trained as a social worker at the Barry University School of Social Work, in Miami Shores, Florida.  He has worked with a large and diverse variety of peoples.  His accomplishments include writing several books and helping individuals and families work through issues such as: Anger Management, Addiction Recovery, Marriage Counseling, Family Therapy, Career Counseling, Depression, Grief, Anxiety.

Visit his blog at: http://www.EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com and follow him on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/effectivefamily.

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a psychotherapist and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com.  See emotional/mental health articles by Lisa and other professionals.

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