The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Do you struggle with anger, depression, anxiety or recurring relationship problems and have the sense that it might have roots somewhere in your past?  Trust your instincts. There’s likely something there worth taking a look at.

I work extensively with people in individual therapy to assist them in working through the past – to move on in the present. Part of the work is to slowly piece together a picture of who they are based on their experiences, particularly their relationships with key figures in their lives. If you can get an understanding of where your wounds lie, you have a greater chance of working through them and reshaping your belief systems which can lead to a relief of the issues mentioned above.

Here are 5 steps to identify your unhelpful belief systems (core beliefs):

Identify your emotional triggers. What types of incidents get you the most angry, sad, fearful, etc? It could be something like a friend canceling dinner plans with you.

Label how you experience each of the emotional triggers. Perhaps if your friend canceled her plans with you, you feel let down.

Identify what the experience you labeled means about you. What does it say about you if say, your friend canceled your plans and you felt let down by it. Might this mean, “I’m not important,” or “I’m not a priority?”

Look for possible sources of your belief systems. Were there incidents in your past with your parents, peers or in other relationships where you received the message in question? For example, when did you start believing that you are not a priority? Were there times, particularly in childhood, when you felt this way?

5) Confirm with an internal assessment. Sit with the unhelpful belief system being examined and notice what’s going on inside your body. Any emotion coming up? Any twinges in your body? Heart? Stomach? Overall tension? If the answer is “yes,” you’re probably on to something.

Once you’ve identified your primary unhelpful belief systems from the past (core beliefs) – that are impacting your present – you’re off to a great start. At this point you can journal about it, talk to a trusted friend or find a therapist who specializes in family of origin work to help you process and work through what you’ve discovered.

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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, with tools for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  She is the author of Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® -  a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to counseling for individual and relationship issues.

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