The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com

Like many of you, I am a social networker.  I use social networking for personal use (friends and family) as well as for my therapy and writing related endeavors.  I use Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn but there are a vast sea of other options should you want them.  Where do you draw the line?  Do you draw a line?  Is there a point when your emotional and relationship health is at risk from “over-connection” via these activities?

My family and I just returned from a vacation in Mexico – where I unplugged from my social networking world.  I had done this before on a weekend trip but this was the first full week I’d mindfully made the decision that we (my husband, three year old and myself) would all benefit from this choice.  No more checking, no more conversing, no more sharing other’s wise words… just “be” in vacation mode, enjoying each other and freeing up space to truly relax and focus on the two most important people in my life. 

I’m seeing a distinct increase in the issue of social networking show up in my psychotherapy practice.  The impact is revealing itself for people individually and in their relationships. This is an area of my own vulnerability as a self-admitted overachiever type who needs to stay aware of “doing too much” behavior.  My week of disconnection was a test and ritual for me – which I successfully completed and was all the better for it. 

Here are some indicators that social networking may be a concern for you or someone you know:

• focus and distraction problems
• less attention to important face-to-face relationships
• unhealthy meaning attached to the number of “followers” or “likes” attained
• compulsion to leave your real world – to the world of social networking-  and ignoring obligations to work, family and friends
• discomfort with not checking for updates or responses for extended period of times 

According to ScienceDaily.com in the article, Excessive Internet Use is Linked to Depression, research has shown evidence that, “some users have developed a compulsive internet habit, whereby they replace real-life social interaction with online chat rooms and social networking sites. The results suggest that this type of addictive surfing can have a serious impact on mental health.” 

In June, 2010, there was a fascinating article in NYTimes.com about the “dopamine squirt” of excitement that researchers say, “can be addictive.”  The article is called, Your Brain on Computers: Attached to Technology and Paying a Price - and also looks at how a husband’s technological activities (social networking, e-mails, etc) was impacting their marriage.  This is something I’ve seen come up in a lot of marriages, in my therapy practice and all around me.

Clearly there are very positive benefits to being engaged with others in this way.  It’s fun, it allows the opportunity to meet others from all over the world as well as reconnect with old friends from “back in the day,” it is a research tool, it can help support a business and much more.  It’s also clear that social networking sites can be exceedingly useful when disasters strike – to disseminate information rapidly.

The bottom line in assessing the impact of social networking on your emotional and relationship health is to stay aware of why you are using it and whether there are negative consequences associated with it.  If you’re unsure and others have said something to you about being “checked out” because of your online activities, then this is something to be taken seriously.  Sometimes our friends and families can have a clearer picture of what’s going on with us than we do.  If they care about you – and you them – they are probably on to something.

So what do you do if there’s a problem? 

Set boundaries on your use.  Sometimes unplug all together, particularly on vacation or during marriage, family or friends time.  Get outside and take a walk.  Enjoy what you have physically around you rather than the slippery ”rabbit hole” of your computer or PDA screen.  Yes, there’s loads of fun and information there – but don’t forget your emotional and relationship health.

Social networking will be there upon your return.

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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, with tools for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  “The Toolbox” is one of the original therapist-created resource websites with articles, tips, tools and advice by Lisa and other professionals.  She is a therapist in the San Francisco / Marin County area working with individuals and couples.

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